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Reflections on Leadership |
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Written by Chy Davidson
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Reflections on Personal Leadership by Chy Davidson (a guest columnist for the JLC Learning Leader).
Leadership is not something that you do…it’s who you are. I realized that the concepts, exercises and tools of the Jorgensen Learning Center were more that just theory. The practice of applying leadership must embody everything I do…professionally and also with my own family. It was that personal for me. During the summer, I attended the Tapping into the Spirit of Leading conference in Sag Harbor, NY, and worked with Team JLC to enhance my understanding and practice of learning conversations. When the JLC group asked me to respond to how I was using the tools of action learning in my daily activities, it focused me to reflect on when I actually had that first ‘aha’ moment. I reflected on an event that took place in April. It was another opportunity to work with Ray and to see how our groups of administrators were going to respond to the session. I entered the group not focused, because I was thinking about the most recent conversation with my daughter and I was contemplating whether I had pushed her too hard to compete in a major that was overwhelming her as a college freshman. “Should I let her come home or encourage her to stick it out?” I was feeling the burden that parents experience when their children are “growing through transitions”. As we circled and prepared to “check in” the first words I heard were: “sanity is more important than success”. It was at that moment that a weight was lifted off my shoulders and my decision had been made.
I had already begun to apply, “listening for understanding” as a daily practice, and focused on what was being said, and not what I wanted to say. This simple application was assisting me in slowing down conversations. However, it was at home where I felt the tools could also be best applied and practiced due to the nature of the relationships with my four girls and my wife. Imagine if I could actualize these learning conversation techniques at home? I could then transfer them to any organizational environment! Creating “safely dangerous space” was going to be my initial focus both at home and at work. I found this to be the most challenging of all of the principles.
At home, certain things can be talked about pretty freely, while at work moving the conversation to the place where I am comfortable exposing my thinking and risking the various reactions from others was an uncomfortable challenge. To engage in this type of conversation involved a shift in the organizational / family dynamic so that the risk I felt I was taking would be overcome by the feeling of respect and concern for the person or group. From my perspective, most organizations have established a culture of communication that inhibits individuals from engaging in conversations that create openness and safety. The difficult things that need to be discussed in our weekly meetings usually do not get discussed and many members end up talking about issues privately or “in the parking lot”. However, if the issue or concern was brought to the table, it would allow the organization to grow and encourage members to create more safe space and speak from the heart. For example, recently during a discussion at a cabinet meeting I was overcome with an intense feeling to discuss an issue that I was uncomfortable with. In the past I would have just let it go and had the conversation with one of my colleagues after the meeting. But I decided to give it a try and to my surprise, after we experienced the anger and tension of the moment, we (the group) realized the issue needed to be discussed and it resulted in a decision that favored the group and not an individual. Taking the risk was a major breakthrough for it allowed me to trust a belief in how systems work without fully realizing what the outcome would be…that was scary! As a result, it has put me on a mission to continually push myself with those uncomfortable feelings and bring up the conversation that may impact the attitudes and behaviors of the group in a professional way.
This freedom that I thought was a new learned skill, I now realize, through engaging in conversations with my daughter, was in place all along. My daughter helped me to understand how our home had created safely dangerous space; she explained to me that she feels unconditional freedom to talk about issues and concerns that she is experiencing because she is comfortable that we love her and want the best for her. I’m thankful for the learning conversation guidelines and for how through my continued practice of these skill sets, I have increased my ability to improve my relationships though the conversation.
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